Regarding Stats and the Basketball Tournament

Competence is generally expected, or at least hoped for. This weekend, I found competence to be more of a commodity, the weekend dessert. I am learning to live in paradox of the "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" mentality, and in the inevitable limits of humanity. Thursday evening of the tournament, we planned a singing night for the students. And because I am a recent addition to the fellowship song team, I found myself with a mic in hand hoping I could still carry a tune, but then also considering, reminding myself that it's not about me anyway. Still, the spotlight can be blinding, and I might have preferred the corner out of fear of having incompetency revealed.

Sitting perched at the basketball stats table for the two following days revealed how little I know about basketball, though I call myself an athlete. I know sports, right? Intensity is part of it. I practiced what I might say if a coach starting running a lip. I would simple put on my game face and calmly suggest how to be the bigger person. I would be professional, competent. Well in actual fact, when coaches did start to raise their voices I cracked. Who knew the practice of checking foul boxes would turn into such a drama? I never should have told the coach that #10 had three fouls. All floodgates broke loose. The empty gymnastics gym was a good spot for pacing and blowing off steam, and tears.

How embarrassing. An athlete without a gameface is plain lame. But in the midst of replaying all that I might have said, the reality remains of what I didn't say, and actually couldn't say. I couldn't even look the coach in the face. And in that moment, all the past experiences of only going half way returned to me. Game point, and missing the serve...and I won't trouble the moment to recount them all now.

I am not alone in the half-way house occasions. We all have them lingering as overstayed guests. And it does seem prideful to desire to be awesome all the time.

That evening, I shared dinner and a movie with some of my girls. They knew a hug, a blanket, food, and some company would be just the thing. I am reminded of the lesson in team sports. An individual cannot be strong all the time, nor should she really desire to be. In weakness lies teachability and openness.

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself in sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith G-d has given you. Just as each of use has one body with many members...these members do not all have the same function..."

I admit; I like superman stories. I like envisioning the slam dunk basket with practice and correct timing. I enjoy competence. But at the end of the day, I will curl up in needed rest and wait to keep on keeping on.

Ah, the woman's healthy vanity of awaking to just she, and confidently smiling at what she sees.